Disclaimer: It has been a very slow period for new music releases. This think-piece is a product of that. Try not to take it too seriously.
If you ever went to public school, chances are you knew “that kid.” The one who still ate glue and urinated in his pants at recess in the fifth grade. If hip-hop sub-genres were elementary school students, conspiracy theory rap would be “that kid.” Whether it’s Immortal Technique rapping about his incest-gang-rape fantasies, or Vinnie Paz being himself, this certain pocket of music is an unbridled source of entertainment for all the wrong reasons. While legions of woke individuals gobble up the mass of unsubstantiated facts spewed by these artists, unintelligent sheeple such as myself have the unfortunate pleasure of sitting on the outside and having a quick laugh.
Enter “End of Days” by the aforementioned Vinnie Paz. The magnum opus of ludicrous truther rap, and perhaps one of the funniest hip-hop songs to ever be released.
If you’ve now taken the initiative of turning on the song, you’ll discover that it starts with the hook. This hook is sung by some goon named Block McCloud. Honestly, it’s pretty unlistenable so we’re going to skip over it. All you really need to know is that he’s questioning the average American’s bravery for not believing all the “truth” that Vinnie Paz is about to drop upon us. Let’s educate ourselves, starting from the top of the first verse.
Everybody a slave, only some are aware,
That the government releasin’ poison in the air,
That’s the reason I collect so many guns in my lair,
I ain’t never caught slippin’, never under-prepared.
At this point, Mr. Paz has already invalidated anything he has to say in the rest of “End of Days” by admitting he believes in chemtrails (the idea that the contrails jets produce are actually poison being released by the government for various reasons). If you think about it, this is actually pretty kind of him because it takes out the need for us to do any fact checking. Not that the average Vinnie Paz fan knows what “fact checking” is, but for the rest of us this takes out a very time consuming step.
More importantly however, is that Vinnie Paz is going to protect himself from airborne poisons with guns. Though I am not personally a chemist or an expert in firearms, I am at least seventy percent sure you cannot gun down airborne poison.
There’s fluoride in the water, but nobody know that,
It’s also a prominent ingredient in Prozac,
How could any government bestow that?
Ah yes, you know what else is in water? Hydrogen. You know what else hydrogen is a prominent ingredient in? Hydrogen bombs. Therefor water is dangerous and we should all avoid it. Especially when you consider that all humans to ever die ingested water at some point in their life. Spooky. This is a fundamental misunderstanding of how chemistry actually works. Though Prozac’s chemical formula does technically contain fluorine, this is entirely irrelevant to the fluoridation process of water. Who would have thought that Vinnie would make uneducated claims? Oh right, everyone.
Fun fact, wine, raisins, and black tea all contain more fluoride than fluoridated municipal water. I’m sure that’s a government conspiracy too. Big Raisin is trying to control our minds.
That’s not all that I’m here to present you,
I know about the black pope in Solomon’s Temple Yeah,
about the Vatican assassins and how they will get you,
And how they cloned Barack Hussein Obama in a test tube.
At this point I’m assuming that Vinnie Paz realized he actually has zero fucking background on anything he’s rapping about. As such, he’s reverted to just stating that he “knows” these things to sound smart to whatever moron is willing to believe him. I’ll be keeping my eyes open for those Vatican assassins though, I wouldn’t want them to get me. That sounds bad.
At the rate this song is devolving into a caricature of conspiracy theorists, I’m genuinely surprised we’ve not seen a “jet fuel can’t melt steel beams” meme.
Who you think the motherfuckers that crashed in the tower?
Who you think that made it turn into ash in an hour?
The Bird Flu is a lie, the Swine Flu is a lie,
Why would that even come as a surprise?
Yeah, the Polio vaccine made you die,
It caused cancer and it cost a lot of people their lives.
You know what actually cost a lot of people their lives? Polio. The vaccine itself is actually astoundingly safe, to the point that pregnant women and people with HIV/AIDs are allowed to have it with very little risk. Even the oral Polio vaccine only causes complications in about three cases out of every million vaccines administered. Compare that to the absolutely horrendous rates of polio during the 1950s, and it’s clear as day how important the vaccine was. Then again, if you’re taking medical advice from Vinnie Paz, I don’t really expect you to be able to read any of what I just wrote.
Oh, and I’ve had Swine Flu. As far as it being a lie, my three soiled pairs of boxers from shitting myself while vomiting into a bucket beg to differ. 2010 was a rough year.
Honestly, at this point I don’t even remember where I was going with this think-piece. This was supposed to be a concluding paragraph, but listening to the song and reading the lyrics has absolutely fried my brain. I think I wanted to make the case for this being the most accidentally funny song ever released; however, the more I experienced it the more I felt a compulsive desire to shove a railroad spike through my temple. At some point the limescale remover Vinnie Paz drinks for breakfast stopped destroying his vocal chords and started eating away at his grey matter. This is the least professional article I’ve ever written, and I don’t care. I’m too tired from listening to this bullshit.
Fuck Vinnie Paz. “End of Days” is trash. Vaccinate your kids. Goodnight world.
Updated Septmeber 28th 2018: This is more of a puff piece than a think piece so it has been retitled. The entire article is non-serious and is not meant to be taken as proper music anylsis. Basically, I was bored and wanted to make my friends laugh.